digitalpyro archive 2006 - 2008

digitalpyro

2009-04-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

I Am Ready

2008-11-25T00:08:00.000-08:00

The Business of Feeling Alive.

2008-05-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

Less than 30 days from now will be the 3rd anniversary since I started designing, engineering, and creating my mark on this planet. Three years of sacrifice - three full years of my life gone. Three years since I cut my hair because of a promise I made to myself regarding my goals. Three years since I cared about my own health more than achieving this goal of mine. Three years since I remembered how to live...

The other evening I actually took some time to do something that I haven't done much of over the past three years, I reflected on life. I have set goals that require my complete attention, letting almost everything I care about in my life go except for attaining the knowledge necessary to accomplish this. No socializing, no leisure time, no family time, no balance whatsoever in the past three years because I truly believe that the only real important asset that we have is an illusion, and such an illusion is near impossible to master without guidance, the illusion I am speaking of is time. So I stopped my work for an evening to check up on one thing I really miss - I checked up on people. I Google'd and Myspace'd almost everyone I know and went through my Myspace friends to see what they were all up to. Then, I randomly looked for people I didn't know anymore. I really don't know what I was looking for, or what I looked to gain from doing so, but I spent a few consecutive hours doing this (which in my world is an ocean of time I am not working or sleeping). What stood out to me from that time was that after searching online for everybody I could think of with no end in sight, I stopped abruptly after I found someone I hadn't contacted in years. My heart began racing and my head began boggling because this one person that I have missed so much, I couldn't understand why I stopped knowing them. In a world that is to me so figured out, its the instances in life like this where life itself becomes a mystery all over again because there was no logic behind what I was feeling, and even less logic behind why the situation between me and this person is the way it is. It was strange, I knew I was done searching the second I typed their name in. Before I began reading into this person, I sat there and wondered why I no longer knew this person and remembered the last time we had contact with each other - I was saddened. For as brief as my relationship was with this person, I felt like I had known them forever and remembered all of their personality crystal clear, missed that person, and even remembered and missed their family. I found it even more odd that I reminded myself of this person's stepfather when I first began on this journey. Already revved up about this person, I still didn't completely understand why I felt so abruptly halted at this point, or what it was about this person that immediately glued my eyes to the screen to read on. Then it dawned on me that looking back at who this person was, I don't think there could be a more compatible person for me in this world. And I am not even speaking romantically, I am thinking in terms of the minds of two people coming together. What puzzled me more than the idea that if we had known each other this entire time we'd probably be the best of friends and they'd quite possibly be one my most favorite people in the world, was I could not figure out if my life depended on it why I had not thought of this person much since I had not know them anymore. Was it because I believed that they had a false idea of me? Pedro gossip sucked. Was it because our time to really know each other had not come yet? When we were young, we were just that, young. When we met again when we were a little older, I was in love couldn't give my time to another. I can't figure it out. THEN, I began reading. Who this person was becoming made so much sense to me, and the biggest surprise was that who this person was becoming could possibly be a great compliment to me professionally. For the past week now I have had only one idea stuck in my head. I want to find this person and know them for the rest of my life.

...And that is as far as "living" goes in my world nowadays. I have forgotten what it is like to go out on a Saturday night - haven't had a drink or partied in almost a year. I am so engulfed in a world full of files and TLA's like TLD PHP CSA ASP CSS FLA XLS XML PDF PSD EFS and hundreds more that any world outside of the internet has begun to feel void. And though that's great for someone whose life is entireley about working on several internet technologies, it is beginning to feel hard to imagine what the future holds for me as I finally present the world with the array of thoughts and ideas I have been holding in my mind all this time. In three years I have yet to approach a single investor yet by the end of this year I will have presented to hundreds. And what this means is that by the end of the year I may begin to live a normal life once again, I just hope that there is no "too late" for learning how to live your life all over again. I hope there is no "too late" for learning how to feel alive. Because in this race against time in which I am finally beginning to see things transpire before my very eyes, I am also seeing my life and the life of others past right by me. I guess there is a small comfort in knowing that the time I am spending will be worth it.

A re-introduction coming soon.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Wet Sand

2007-01-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

I identify with the parts in bold.

Wet Sand

Artist: Red Hot Chili Peppers

Album: Stadium Arcadium - Jupiter

---------------------------------

My shadow side so amplified

Keeps coming back dissatisfied

Elementary son but it's so…

My love affair with everywhere

Was innocent why do you care

Someone start the car

Time to go…you’re the best I know

My sunny side has up and died

I'm betting that when we collide

The universe will shift into a low

The travesties that we have seen

Are treating me like Benzedrine

Automatic laughter from a pro

My what a good day for a walk outside

I'd like to get to know you a little better baby

God knows that I'll really tried

My what a good day for a take out bride

I'd like to say we did it for the better of

I saw you there so unaware

Those hummingbirds all in your hair

Elementary son but it's so

The disrepair of Norma Jean

Could not compare to your routine

Balarama beauty going toe to toe

My what a good day just to let it slide

I'd like to say we did it for the better of

I thought about it and I brought it out

I'm motivated by the lack of doubt

I'm consecrated but I'm not devout

The mother, the father, the daughter

Right on the verge just one more dose

I'm traveling from coast to coast

My theory isn't perfect but it's close

I'm almost there why should I care

My heart is hurting when I share

Someone open up and let it show

My what a good day for a walk outside

I'd like to think we did it for the better of

I thought about it and I brought it out

I'm motivated by the lack of doubt

I'm consecrated but I'm not devout

The mother, the father, the daughter

You don't form in the wet sand

You don't form at all

You don't form in the wet sand

I do Yeah

You don't form in the wet sand

You don't form at all

You don't form in the wet sand

I do

Honor Thy Vow.

2007-01-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

My vow to myself:

- I WILL NOT BUY A NEW CAR UNTIL I CAN AFFORD IN FULL A NEW PORSCHE GEMBALLA 997 TWIN TURBO. IN SILVER OR BLACK.

- I WILL NOT CUT MY HAIR UNTIL I HAVE AT LEAST 1 MILLION IN MY OWN PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT.

- I WILL NOT BUY NEW CLOTHES UNTIL MY FAT ASS LOSES AT LEAST 30LBS. I GAINED 60 IN 3 MONTHS. GOT ONLY 30 TO GO.

RESET

2006-07-30T01:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we have to hit Reset to make our systems work...

It clears out the memory to allow for better processing. Sometimes it allows for new and improved programs to load into memory upon starting up. I hit my own reset button a couple of weeks ago for the first time in years to get myself on track. Out of all the people I know, I am one of the only ones who is nearly completely self taught, and completely self-motivated. No formal education is attributed to my technical knowledge that will ultimately allow me to reach my financial goals. Years of research, book reading, trial and error practice, and a great imagination will get me there. There is no goal I can't overcome. And if there has been any delay, it is because deep in me I have found that I don't have "a reason" of my own to succeed for. There was one time in my life that I had such a reason to motivate me, and at that time I was at the top of my game. But long since leaving that behind, I led a life that was very self-destructive (yet very life experience gaining).
"Loneliness will make you throw your sins away" - Henry Rollins.

Since moving on from the self-destruction I found it harder than ever to find meaning through the lack of a delusion. So I will do this for all of you that I care for, and though I will enjoy the success that will ultimately come of it, always remember that I left my character intact as it is here and now...
If you were to see me around lately you may hear and see me mutter the words "No I Don't!" every now and then. I am not going crazy, I am just training myself to no longer need anymore. "No I Don't!" is me telling myself "No I Don't want that". I hope soon enough I believe it so I don't feel so compelled to need "a reason" to get things done anymore. I never needed much to be happy, and though I won't buy a new car until I can afford a new Porsche 997 Turbo, this material possession was never enough to get me going. Unfortunately my drive is not dependent obtaining these worldly things, and since I can't (and really never had) have what I want, this Reset has to yield a mindset that runs on another type of fuel. Maybe a sense of true altruism to help society. I guess we will see...

So in the meantime, I apologize to those who I have inconvenienced for taking so long and being so late in completing my work, you all have done all that you could. And since I am ultimately the only one capable of fulfilling this destiny that I have laid before all of you, I will remember your loyalty and patience with me as this concept that I have designed and am creating from scratch is only the first one of many that are ready to become a reality...

This ignorance is not my style.

It Is What It Is

2006-04-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Though I am one person who doesn't live in regret, I would trade what is left of my life to redo much of my past. The path that has grown me to who I am now has been long, hard, and unsupervised. I strive for things for which there is no true model. And that is my life. I have come to terms with that and the fact that it is what it is. I can't change the past or the life that I led during it - but I have have changed - I will change in the future. The life's lessons paid to be here now have been a heavy cost (relatively, everything is relative) and all I can do now is be and let others be with me. Let those embrace what it is embrace all that I have to offer. Fate works in such ways that lead to this. There is no coincidence. Why? Because the physics of the universe don't allow it. Everything is defined by a set of rules that have a conclusion for every action. In the end there is a balance, and sometimes even a harmony or chaos. Relatively. Look at everything. There is balance. We wouldn't exist otherwise. And for this very reason that we are in balance and cannot change who we are meant to be and what futures lies ahead for any of us, we can influence how we decide to react to this nature. If we chose to obide by emotions that are not relative to the immediate time - then that is fate, and everything that sprouts from that as well. We have our place, whatever it is. If we chose to control - then it was our fate to control - our obligation or chosen duty was a result of a series of events. And a series of events that cannot be changed. Why? Because noone is perfect - and if there was such a thing as life perfection - people would cookie cut it and make it their own. Say it is bullshit but why really did you do that? You don't know. You can rationalize, but in all reality - you don't know. Ok. Live your life by the rules that you do and always be surprised and confused rather than just embracing the life that results from it. It could always be better or worse - but it always is. Period. And whatever it is (or isn't) It is what it is - and I will always be here, the best that I can be, unconditional - because I get it - nothing will stop me from becoming - all I can change is how I decide to react to my future - how will you decide to react with me?

Get a clue

2006-03-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

To control everything IS to control time - I am Jason Nadaf - www.jasonspalace.com - Loan4Loan is my life - www.loan4loan.com - www.loanapplicationengine.com - www.search4mortgageloan.com - www.blog4loan.com - www.thedetermined.com - i love sushi - Jennifer Aniston is sexy - There is one degree of separation between insanity and genius - Live for your dreams - I miss sex alot - Yes to Ferrari Superamerica - No to greed - Music surrounds me almost 24 hours per day - I have 20 15 vision - Fuck cell phones - The glass is always half full - Religion is a social institution created by society to keep it in order - Jesus loves you - I love women
- There is an inevitability in this world - As of now I am part of it - My patent for a new way to surf the internet is for sale for $5,000,000 - Today is March 14th, 2006 - I believe that there is a reason for every probability existent in this universe - Fuddruckers is a must - Coincidence is another word for rationalizing reality - Aliens exist - If you imagined the universe to be in the shape of a sphere... - Toaster ovens are better than microwaves - If you removed me from your punchbowl your koolaid would taste like shit - age XXVI - J.O.B. acronym for Just Over Broke - Byron Nelson and Daniel Sadek are two men who have inspired me - Now me is drug free - There are opportunities missed I no longer regret - Transitions are a bitch when the only direction you have to look is up - SEO - If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, just make it better - Failure is not an option - Say what you mean and do what you say - Speak Truth - Take a look at societies at each continental end closest to our own and realize the similarities between the advancement of 2 ends
- Eurasian for me maybe - Insomnia is a condition I no longer take for granted - nothing can stop me now - Internet Consulting - Never assume that it has been done before - Take a chance on yourself you deserve it - Do not underestimate the power of many - Believe in what you are no matter what you are and if what you are needs to change believe in your ability to change - Nonstop - Go BIG or go home - Do not settle - Realize your mistakes and learn from them create a better situation from the misfortunes past - Spiritual but not religious - Have faith and live by karma - Write the rules and live by them - Never give up - Cozumel is missed - Don’t underestimate the will of another - Consider everything - Time is the most valuable thing to have in this world - Keep focus - Teach me the opposite of time and I will show you how to live forever - Judge but don’t be judgemental - Do good for others -
Sell yourself then sell your product - Androgyny is a beautiful thing - Productivity times longevity plus creativity equals ingenuity - Nothing is gonna stop me Im unreplaceable - I have legally lived 7951860000 seconds til this very moment - Yes I miss you all - Happy Birthday Tara - The foundation for my education did not rely on an institution - Forever, do you know what it means? - 143 - Know what it means to be a friend and live by it - THE GRID - LAE - The key to my creation is automation via personalization - Madman - Give me five years to impact our world - Wisdom is a virtue hard earned - There are no shortcuts - Be real to yourself - We are the wave of the future - Harmony through melody into my ears - I only want 1 - Live for your dream and have everything - You deserve more - Make love - Better to make something to recreate than to recreate something - It has not been done already - If you have only got one shot give it all you got - Sense of urgency - Its only a matter of time - Genuine - Do you know me yet? - I have had someone die in my arms before - Learn to live your life to the fullest - Quick and easy - Everything in its right place - Determine what you want and do what you need to obtain it - Only one life to live, respect yourself - Don’t rationalize, realize - Reincarnation is a reason not a justification - Don’t take others for granted - Let everyone understand you, let only few know you - Don’t have fun at the expense of others, spend on others to have fun - Cherish someone - Do right by yourself - Remember Why - Stay true to yourself - Realize your situation and focus accordingly - Never give up - Do it till you can’t do it anymore! - © 2006 - Get ass, don’t be a jackass and half ass it - To be second is to be the first loser - If you have a vision don’t let others dilute it - F*?k the critics, the skeptics, and everyone else who doubts - Run with those who believe in you - Keep going its not over yet - It has only begun - You can’t change people, but people can change... - Love yourself - I miss my mother already - More Music! -
Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week I think about what my future WILL be like. Start believing before you are left behind - Stay positive - Love unconditionally - I will always be there for you and I will always love you, I am doing the best I can - Yes! - I have been rejected enough to know that I will suceed inevitabiy - Sometimes a numbers game and sometimes a matter of fate - There is no point in worrying about something you can’t control - Go with the flow - Think about tomorrow, reflect on yesterday - I believe GOD to be the first cause of everything - Run with me into this future of bliss, success, and innovation - Thank You All

Simply Beautiful

2006-03-01T01:41:00.000-08:00

It nice to realize when you truly understand the word
BEAUTY

Each day that goes by is a learning experience - some lessons better than others - and seeing the world in that light always tends to make life that much more positive no matter the situation you are in. Today I came to the realization that I finally understand beauty. Beauty is not just what your eyes percieve, your hands touch, or the things that you hear. To me beauty is the human experience of bliss when in the presence of another. I understand why I have a type - I realized this today when talking to one of the girls in my life - not that I have any inclination toward them (though I probably wouldn't deny an opportunity) - as I had a discussion with them I sat there and realized that I found them absolutely gorgeous - and not for the sake that she is simply beautiful physically - but I became attached to her mind somehow. I don't get it - don't care to - but am glad I realized that there's a meaning to beauty aside from a physical attraction.

Bobbypins

2006-02-26T12:34:00.000-08:00

This one goes out to my insecure tard list of friends:

I have been wearing bobby pins lately to restyle and train my hair. I don't care how gay it looks because you all were sure (and some of you still think I might be) that I was gay. AND BY NOW KNOW THAT I AM NOT GAY AND I AM NOT BI! And wearing bobby pins if used to accomplish a goal rather than express a facet of my style is OK. Its the beauty of androgyny. Get over yourself and stop being so insecure about the fact that I don't follow the saying or even care that "your image affects people's impression of you" - so the next we all go out and I want to wear bobby pins you can shove your comments up your asses. Why would you care anyway? If anything I am removing one more guy from the scene that is eligible in a girls eyes to have them - leaving another pathetic chance for you!

:)

Competition by Motivation

2006-02-17T01:50:00.000-08:00

My every day consists of a couple minutes on my balcony to reflect what I am up against, what my be on my side, and why I need to help change to world...

Building a team is good for the soul especially when you're recovering from a ...
...bad time in your life. Boost your confidence or put yourself in check and really see how far you're meant to go. Only then will you be able to realize what it takes to better your life and achieve the goals you wish to achieve.

wonk wonk wonk

2006-02-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

I don't like today very much. Not because Hallmark owns it, or because most LA women are she-devils, but because it is a reminder of how much I miss working in a restaurant with a bunch of hot chicks.

Reach for the stars and you'll at least grab the moon

2006-01-31T02:00:00.000-08:00

I gotta say my first 30 days in and so much accomplished. Deals are near to being sealed. Loan4Loan v1.2 near completion. LAE to begin. I've been told twice now that if I keep at the rate I am going and meet the deadlines I have realistically laid before myself... I could make the cover of businessweek by the end of the year. More than the people I miss, more than the risks I take, for once in my life I care about the bigger picture. Its not just me relying on this. So much weight on my shoulders so much to do, so little time, and I am running out. I go and go and go and sleep and go and go and eat and go and go and go and etc. I'm told I don't rest enough. I'm a fatfuck. Who do I listen to? No mentor, noone close enough or experienced enough or sucessful enough to really guide the visions I create. Fuck a hundred grand a year, I need it a month. Why? Plans for the future - for society - for the fucking world. Intelligence is a gift and if I am going to stay alone then I mind as well use it for the good of mankind. I love you all, I can't hate on people - everything is relative - and some never learn - and you can't change anyone. Help yourself. Let the shmucks like me help you along no matter how much I know you take advantage. My past - very scary. I gave too much... MY weekend: Help a bitch move and give my all as a friend as I always have, and she cares only to go back to her BF, do drugs, and get drunk rather than help her friend back 1/10th the effort. Selfish means aren't the way - you're fucking up the big picture - and your lucky I love you like a sister - but your fucked if you keep this up - not from me... Your on the fasttrack hun. So no wonder I haven't got over my ex after 3 years with people like this in the world. Or maybe it is just permanent unconditional love. What is next? I will be programming these fucking creations to save you Americans from the bigwigs that want to fuck you out of your money. I am losing my health to this - my sanity left long ago. For once I hope my efforts will be worth it. I got too much love inside me to have it wasted on something doesn't see the value in it. Fuck it, I go on. I was told today I have stories fit for the movies - and all of them are true. My good deed for the day - I gave my car away to a taxi driver. His joy, his wifes joy, it all gave me joy. Fuck it, I don't need to drive now, my next new car is a Gemballa 997.

ill die programming from a ditch before i give up on this vision...

First Tattoo

2006-01-17T23:24:00.000-08:00

I finally got this template right!

I hope...

The first tattoo I ever get will be in the upper center of my back, about the size of a paper dollar and will be two Japanese characters that read:

"Bitch Lover"

because...

a. I love the Japanese culture, sushi, women, etc. and the Japanese writing will represent the coming of me I have yet to truly be part of.

(I have never been to Japan or been with a fully Japanese woman)

and

b. Every woman I have ever loved has been a bitch. Not in the female dog sense, but in the (as Eric Cartman would put it) "I'll do what I want!" bitchy sense. You women are fucking nuts, and sometimes the emotions really do overpower the logic. My best girl friends are fucking loons. Even my own mother and sister have admittingly called themselves a bitch at one point or another. And even though I would endorse and love to see a female as president one day, I fear the emotional ties to almost everything that females of today have will cause some flaw to occur more major than any president to date. And that opinion remains true even for our personal-agenda-driven president that's in office now! Maybe an androgynous female president would work out a little better...

Jasons Digital Frenzy

2006-01-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my FIRST BLOG EVER!

I am an internet junkie!

My first blog ever will have to be a song that has inspired me for almost all of last year. Future blogs will be hella more creative...

Greener Grass
Artist: Millencolin
Album: Home From Home

I'm not harmonic
I can't reach self-esteem
Thats quite ironic
Cuz I thought I'd be living my dream

I don't feel supersonic
I dont drive in the lane of the whipped cream
I'm more like a chronic
Ignorantly swimming upstream

What can i do to be happy?
I have problems to decide
Well looks to me the grass is greener
On the other side
On the other side (3x more)

How do I live for the moment
when i always want to be else where?
How do I reachd a fulfillment
when I'm crashed and got parts to repair?
Why is my only amusement
giving other people my despair?
Why do I give jealous judgement
on another's affair?

What can i do to be happy?
I have problems to decide
Well looks to me the grass is greener
On the other side
On the other side (3x more)

I wanna get satisfaction!
just like the Stones and Manu Chau
Gotta ignore all rejection
I gotta keep tryin anyhow
I wanna be close to the action
I want to live my life now!
For this correction I need direction
gotta find within myself somehow

So maybe one day i'll be happy?!
But until then i have to realize
That the grass is not always greener
it's only up to me to recognize
That the grass is not always greener
Its in your head that it might look greener
Cuz the grass will never be greener
on the other side
END

Thanks to Nikola for the sick ass lyrics that keeps on motivating me
Thanks to Nickola, Mathias, and the rest of Millencolin for producing some of the best punk rock music of our generation.